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Bride Wars 1024

Can I Fire My Bridesmaid?


Months ago just after you accepted the biggest proposal of your life, you likely began choosing your bridesmaids and matron of honor. As the wedding approaches and those bridesmaid’s responsibilities such as making dress fittings, helping with minor details, or confirming your NH Hotels reservation go unattended to, you might be asking yourself, “Can I fire my bridesmaid?”

Of course you can. It’s your big day and no one should be allowed to put a damper on it, even your closest friends. When considering taking this step, you should first consider why you want to fire them. If you decide to do so, then you’ll want to know how to relieve a bridesmaid of her responsibilities with tact and grace. Let’s explore your options.

If there's one thing don't want, it's a wedding party straight from the movie, "Bridesmaids". Photo courtesy of

If there’s one thing don’t want, it’s a wedding party straight from the movie, “Bridesmaids”.
Photo courtesy of

Why Should I Fire My Bridesmaid?

Bridesmaids that behave poorly often do so out of envy. The old saying, “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride” may be true for a friend who’s been in several weddings, and now you’re getting the brunt of her dismay. Conceivably, there are problematic incidents in her life right now that you aren’t privy to because she doesn’t want to burden you during your wedding season. Sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her to try and understand any underlying issues before deciding to eradicate her from the wedding party. In a conversation, emphasize that you are different people, gently encouraging her not to compare her situation to yours.

During the contemplation period, remember why you asked her to be a bridesmaid begin with. Did you feel like you owed her because you were in her wedding, or maybe you were close college buddies but only reconnect every once in a while? Whatever that reason was, evaluate it’s importance now. You might find that you have played some small role in her lack of cooperation by inadvertently forcing the role on her out of guilt.

How to Fire a Bridesmaid with Tact and Grace

No matter what, do not handle the task via email, phone, text messaging, or recruit someone else to pass the news along. Arrange to meet with her at a private place alone – even if your feelings are hurt and you fear saying something you may regret. Before coming right out and giving her a Donald Trump style, “You’re fired,” give her the chance to bow out graciously. Begin with, “You’ve seemed a bit distracted and busy lately…” and see where it goes from there. She may be looking for a way out; hence, her lack of cooperation.

Photo via

Photo via

If the conversation doesn’t lead to a resolution, then be brave and honestly let her know what the deal is. If she is simply overwhelmed by the task, the decision does not need to disrupt the friendship. If this is the case, emphasize her importance to you as a friend, and leave the conversation on a friendly note. Many dumped bridesmaids erroneously consider this loss of responsibility as ‘the end’ of a friendship, and it is important that if you do not feel this way, you convey this to her by making comments which express your excitement at her attendance of your nuptials, even if her role has changed. However, if she behaved in a way that was hurtful or deceiving, make it clear that you are not interested in continuing a relationship with her at this time. Best to clarify this before the wedding so there is no question as to whether or not she will attend, which would exacerbate a bad situation and force other guests to pick sides. Move on with your life, pick a new bridesmaid, and walk down the aisle with real friends.

As you plan and prepare for your big day, don’t forget to take advantage of our free wedding planning guide!

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